Saturday, July 10, 2010

New Black Panther Party 10 Most Wanted List

On the heels of King Samir Shabazz’s recent video, the New Black Panther Party immediately circled the wagons and offered support for their vocal comrade. Malik Zulu (you guessed it) Shabazz has been very vocal in defending his gang of racists and their tactics. Today the group went a step further and released their Top 10 Most Wanted List.


Does anyone really like these anyway? Would anyone miss them if they were obliterated by the Shabazz family? I think not.


Again, other than crumbling them in your soup once in a while, would they be missed? King Samir voiced his personal hatred toward the saltine, claiming his uncle once choked to death on a saltine when a white man wouldn’t give him any water. Samir claims the Saltine Devil has been oppressing the black man for decades.


Rumored to have gone into hiding after discovering they were on this list, Wheat Thins seem to have had success thus far posing as cardboard.


A large number of men with the last name Shabazz have openly cursed the Club Cracker. Claiming the name sounds like the cracker thinks it’s better than everyone else and is elitist in nature. The New Black Panther Party has identified the need to eradicate the cracker from the earth.


The Chicken in a Biscuit Cracker has an up and down history with the organization. Having once been praised and accepted within the party, their relationship soured when party members found out there was no actual chicken in the biscuit. This caused a deep hatred to form within the organization toward the cracker they now claim was an “undercover cracker” planted in the organization by the white devils.


Nobody really knows why the Shabazz Militia has a death wish for animal crackers.


Oyster Crackers obviously made the list. The organization claims that only white people eat Oyster Crackers, and therefore, they must be destroyed. Also, they look like little “cracker babies”


Nothing sounds more like rich, successful, white man than “Ritz”. Because of their obvious hatred towards and stance against people who hold down jobs for a living and actually work to afford the crackers they buy, the capitalist-sounding “Ritz” Cracker ranks high on their hit list.


King Samir said it the best in his highly educational speech the other day, “you gonna have ta kill some crackas! You gonna have ta kill some a their babies!” Run Ritz Bits!!! Run!!!


The ultimate hated cracker of the New Black Panther Party. Why, you ask? You don’t understand how such a wholesome cracker with a touch of sweetness could be so hated by this organization. It’s quite simple really. Graham Crackers make Smores. Smores give the world the message that marshmallow and chocolate can live together in harmony, even melt together and form a better flavor along with the Graham Cracker. This type of thought process cannot be tolerated or allowed to exist by the Super Smart Shabazz’s, or Triple S, as I sometimes refer to them. The Graham Cracker is the ultimate Anti-Shabazz, preaching the peaceful coexistence of all races. Beware, Honey Graham, Cinnamon Graham, Golden Graham, and even Teddy Graham. They are hunting you down.

The New Black Panther Party has recently been demonstrating they mean business in regards to this new list. It has been reported that for the last three days they have held vigil with their night sticks beneath the tree of the Keebler Elves, constantly taunting and intimidating them to prevent the creation of new crackers. Attorney General Eric Holder is declining to prosecute the case.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, saltines would be missed by new mothers far and wide. Hey could it be that is the point? If they can't get saltines, maybe they will stop having those white babies?